Has anyone else read this heartbreakingly sad article in the New York Times? It’s about a 15-year-old kid named Billy Wolfe who gets beaten up, psychologically abused, and otherwise tortured by some shithead bullies at his school. What’s worse is that in typical fashion, the school administration has failed to do anything about it, and in many cases has even tried to implicate Billy as a guilty party in his own bullying.
As a kid, I was bullied, which is still somewhat shameful to admit, because kids who are bullied are a minority of people who are basically targeted by everybody else, including, in some cases, administrators and teachers. I was picked on my fellow students to a pretty extreme degree from about the 4th grade to the 9th grade, and during this time, I can name at least four teachers and two administrators who helped to perpetuate it.
The way that it works is this: people who share a common social bond can reinforce their own social power and strengthen their bonds by targeting and disenfranchising someone who is not part of their group. So the purpose of bullying isn’t sadism for its own benefit–it defines the borders of a group more explicitly, and everybody wants to feel like they’re a part of something, and so there you have it. As you get older, of course, poking at people who are essentially wounded animals in order to see if they roll over and show their bellies becomes less tolerated, and people have to find other ways to maintain the exclusivity, and hence, the intimacy, of their social groups. Fraternities, sororities, and lodges are good examples of this.
When I was in the 7th grade, I was sexually harassed by this piece of shit kid who was probably a junior or senior in high school. He used to barely hide his erect penis behind his school binder on the bus, level his eyes at me, and start jacking off, making sure I would know exactly what he was doing, even if nobody else did. He basically made my life a living hell for about 3 or four months, following me around campus, sending me obscene notes through his disgusting friends, and just generally insinuating that when and if he got the chance he was going to rape me. During this time, as you can imagine, I thought about killing myself pretty much every goddamn day. I was terrified for anyone to find out what was happening because I was afraid that if the police got involved it would shine a spotlight on some very personal family issues and it would just end up disrupting my life even more.
So one day when I’d finally had enough, I went to see a school administrator to tell him what had been happening and see if he could stop it. Let’s call him S. Nettles, to protect his privacy. No, wait, that would be too obvious. Let’s call him Scott N. (Simpson’s joke FOR THE WIN!) He was our guidance counselor/disciplinarian, which is about the worst combination of jobs for a person to have and expect kids to trust him, but there you go. Anyway, I told him that the kid had been bothering me, following me around, trying to follow me into the bathroom, asking me disgusting personal questions, always telling me how “sexy” I was and so on, and Mr. Guidance Counselor Disciplinarian told me, “Well, it sounds like he’s got a crush on you. That’s perfectly natural.” I think I stared in disbelief at him and he just said, “Well, what do you want me to do?”
You see, Mr. Guidance Counselor Disciplinarian saw that creepy kid was asserting his dominance over me. And by reporting the bullying to him, I had essentially extended him the opportunity to assert his dominance over me as well. People will fawn all over people who have power, even if they took that power by brute force, which is what the creepy kid had done to me. People want to align themselves with the powerful, and Mr. Guidance Counselor Disciplinarian, with his smug smile and his bald head and me weeping in his office, had done just that. Think of this whenever you hear some idiot bleating about how great President Bush is, or Napoleon was, or whoever.
Sexual harassment, to be clear, is a form of bullying. And when a woman is sexually assaulted it’s an attempt to take her power from her. And look what happens when she tries to report it! Everyone will wonder what she was wearing, or if she was drunk, or otherwise insinuate that she deserved it. It’s another attempt by people to align themselves with the powerful (ie, men) by jumping on the opportunity to disenfranchise someone else.
It’s obvious that in our culture, the default setting for the average person is considered to be white, male, middle class, Christian and heterosexual. And probably 75% of conservative bleating seeks specifically to further disempower people who don’t fall into that group. All of this hating against gay marriage, or women’s reproductive rights, or national healthcare–it’s all bullying. Gay bashing is certainly a form of bullying–and wanting to deprive gay people of the right to marry is a difference of DEGREE, not of KIND.
That’s why there’s this huge emphasis on how wimpy liberals and progressives supposedly are. People want to align themselves with a sneering, mean-spirited BULLY like Bush (or at least they did when he was elected) because they don’t care how big a piece of shit a person is, as long as they are powerful.
I say all this on the heels of my younger brother getting assaulted outside of a gas station for the crime of being (sorry Billy) visibly wimpy. No matter that he’s a wonderful person or a the funniest guy you’ll ever meet, let’s reinforce our manly social bonds by attacking somebody!!
Growing up with a hothead father in a slum of a town with few friends and fewer outlets for my horrible, horrible misery, I will say that in general, I am a person who is completely and utterly unimpressed with power. I may have been mean to one or two people, but unlike some other kids who were bullied, I didn’t just find the kid on the next rung down and make his or her life hell. No way. And even though years and years have gone by and some of the kids who’ve bullied me have sort of become my friends, I have to say that I distrust people who are enamored of power. I think that these are the same kind of people who will engage in torturing someone if everyone else is doing it, just to be part of the group. This is what happened in Abu Ghraib, it’s what happens whenever someone is gang raped, and let’s face it people, it’s what happens whenever a gay-hating douchebag with swagger in his step and penchant for cowboy hats and stripping women of their reproductive rights is elected to public office.
So fuck bullies, and fuck the dimwitted pieces of shit who stand beside them, throwing rocks at gay kids or making abortion illegal.
Read this post at Pandagon for Amanda’s take on the Billy Wolfe case and bullying in general.