Geez. Is the Phoenix New Times the shittiest publication in the history of free weekly newspapers, or have I just not been hanging out at enough bus stops near the university lately?
When I first moved to Tempe, I picked up the New Times regularly, and was impressed with the aggressive reporting they did on Sheriff Arpaio and the overall crookedness of the Maricopa County legal system. So the the last third of the paper were advertisements for escort services and strip clubs. It was free! You couldn’t blame the journalists for what was happening in the advertising sales department, could you? The first time that I recall recoiling in disgust from the newspaper was when I came across an advertisement that basically promoted date rape. It was for a local Irish-themed pub, and the ad copy stated that if you were an ugly guy, this was the place to drink. “We make ‘em cheap and strong,” the advertisement stated. Nobody wants to be the guy that can’t get laid. Right? I swear to God that I’m not misrepresenting the tone of the advertisement–that’s really what it said. “Hey ugly guys, if your goal is getting women drunk enough to sleep with you, you’ll get the most bang for your buck here. Cheap and strong.” I’m paraphrasing, but the ad was shocking. If you’ve got a problem getting a woman who’s not completely soused to fuck you, then you’ve got a problem with obtaining consent. If you’ve got a problem obtaining consent and your solution to that problem is getting women enebriated, then you’re well on your way to becoming a rapist. I, for one, am skeeved out by a.) bars, especially in college towns that encourage that mentality and b.) free weekly publications that disseminate prime date-raping locations to would-be date-rapists. Fucking disgusting.
The paper just got worse and worse. I’d elaborate, but I’d never finish writing this post. They have a column called “Ask a Mexican” where ignorant fuckwits can ask a moustachioed charicature of Mexican culture lame questions about why Mexicans do the supposedly whacky things that Mexicans do. Why do Mexicans steal? I swear, I’m not making this up. They also had a contest where readers could send in photos of the most “stereotypical-looking Mexican.” (How long will it take for someone to show up and tell me that it can’t be racist because the guy that writes the column is Mexican? Anybody?)
So, the Phoenix New Times, as you might agree by this point, is about as sophisticated as a shit stain. But this latest article just takes the cake. In the most recent issue, they claimed that Anna Nicole Smith concieved a child while staying at a spa/resort in Phoenix. The child, who is half Native American, lives on the Tohono O’odham Reservation with his father, a full-blooded member of the tribe. Now, this could just be the strangest new chapter in the sad life of Anna Nicole Smith, except that it’s a hoax. The New Times sometimes prints articles (and not just on April Fool’s Day) that are hoaxes.
The difference with this hoax is that it has Anna Nicole Smith making vile racist comments to the Native American man with whom she supposedly had an affair back in 2001. It also depicts her asking the man, called Johny Soto, to fuck her “axe wound” in the bathroom of a casino in Las Vegas. The article also includes a nice dollop of racist assumptions about Native Americans–the author had John Soto’s father die of an alcohol overdose after consuming several bottles of Lysol floor cleaner. Go read the article if you want.
Anyway, the article is a fake, and it’s clear for several reasons. First, if John Soto is supposed to be a full-blooded Native American, then I’m a Samurai. The photo of the little kid is obviously Photoshopped. A little Googling showed that the spa where Smith and Soto supposedly stayed was closed during that time for rennovations.
I’m just sick of people trying to find ways to make money off of Anna Nicole Smith’s corpse. Also, I like my hoaxes to serve a purpose. They should make the people who believe the hoax look foolish, or satirize an element of our culture that can best be addressed through hyperbole. Like the Donnie Davies hoax! I have no idea what the purpose was behind the Anna Nicole Smith hoax except to have a convenient excuse to post vile sexist and racist things without rebuke. Par for the course for the Phoenix New Times.
The Mexican says: Gracias for the plug!
Shit, that is disappointing–they were better than any of the subscription papers when I lived there (1981-1994), not that it’s tough to provide better journalism than the Arizona Republic. This sounds not at all like the New Times I remember. A crying shame, because that area really needs a good counter to the conservative dailies.
Yeah, they’ve really gone downhill. There’s still some good journalism there, but it’s difficult to sift through all the racism and misogyny to pick it out.
Meanwhile, the Arizona Republic isn’t too bad.
I agree the article is probably a hoax, but the evidence so far is a little thin. There’s no such thing as a standard look for a full-blooded Indian, and “Johnny Soto” may have lied or been mistaken about his heritage. And as someone noted:
The resort was indeed closed for renovations from May 2000, reopening in March 2001, according to the “history” section of its web site. However, the Phoenix New Times article claims only that this all happened in “early 2001,” so this particular timeline claim isn’t demonstrably bogus.
So really, where’s the hard evidence that this story is false? I’d love to see it.
The front cover of the paper that includes the article is a deliberate mockup of a Weekly World News style paper. Plus, the New Times has a history of doing this kind of thing before with stories that are this sensational. The mainstream media isn’t touching it–and I’m sure in a few days we’ll get the definite word from the paper that it was a hoax. I’ll keep you updated.
I understand that the New Times has a history of doing spoofs. When it’s not doing spoofs, it also has a history of doing real journalism.
See http://www.bluecorncomics.com/2007/03/smith-and-tohono-oodham.html for another comment on the so-called hoax. Someone’s gone to a lot of trouble learning the Tohono O’odham culture and language just to irritate a handful of readers. The payoff for that effort is so minuscule that it argues against the hoax theory.
Do let me know when you or someone learns the truth. I’d like to know it too.